If there was one day as a parent that I could go back and relive, it would be the day my son was born. Not because I regret that day. Not because I wish that day hadn’t happened… It was the happiest day of my life; I just wish there were some things I had done differently...
I was recently inspired by a fellow mom on Twitter, Sandy. You can find her here on Twitter. It’s been a very long time since I’ve written anything blog-worthy for The Mom Blog WI. I’ve written short pieces on my Instagram and my Facebook page, but nothing that’s actually inspired me enough to sit down and write a blog post about it.
Mostly because I have been so busy, so swamped, and so unbelievably tired.
For the past 4 or 5 weeks now, my now 3-year-old has been waking up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason and the broken sleep has been killing me.
I’ve been just barely scraping by, scraping the very bottom of the barrel to try and make it through another day until I can make it to my bed, but by the time I actually fall asleep, my toddler is running into my room and screaming my name, scaring me wide awake because he thinks it’s funny.
It’s really not.
I’ve tried to force it with the posts I’ve been making, but they really haven’t been getting the job done. I’ve also been trying to really get my own business going and have been very serious about it. All my heart and energy has been poured endlessly into that, day in and day out. There hasn’t been much else left for anything besides working, starting my own business and being a parent. But today was different…
Today, I was inspired.
I made a list a long time ago with a bunch of topics I wanted to write about as a Mom Blogger. Most of them went unwritten because I was either too afraid to write about them or too worried that they were completely overdone. One of the things I wanted to write about was a day that I wanted to go back and relive, maybe do a little differently.
The day my son was born, or rather the very, very early morning my son was born was an amazing day. I will never, ever regret having my son, but the day he was born… I wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to go back and relive that day and maybe do some things a little differently.
If I could relive one day… it would be the day my son was born.
I would fight for a natural birth.
My water unexpectedly broke at 39 weeks, and my OBGYN was 210% convinced that I was going to be 2 weeks late. When I was rushed to the hospital, it was discovered that my son was still breech, much like he had been throughout my entire pregnancy. If you’ve read my birth story, you know that it was immediately decided for me that I would have a c-section, and I wish I would’ve fought harder for a natural birth.
It was the middle of the night, I wasn’t sure what was going on, and I was immediately informed that I was going to have a c-section… at 2 o’clock in the morning. I wasn’t given a choice or even asked how if that was what I wanted. I would’ve fought a little harder for the possibility of a natural birth.
I would’ve stood up for my son and I.
I wish I was half the woman then that I am now. I wish I had experienced more and learned more before I gave birth. I would’ve advocated for what I wanted, what I wanted for my son. I wouldn’t have been so shy or worried about being viewed as selfish when they asked me if I wanted to have that first hour of his life be totally just him and I, with skin-to-skin contact in a quiet room.
I would’ve asked them to let me have him before they took him out of the room while they sewed me up from my c-section. I would’ve asked them to wait before they let my family have him before I even got to hold him.
I would’ve tried harder to breast-feed my newborn son.
I was so worried that I would do it wrong or wouldn’t make the right choices. I was worried that my son wouldn’t get the nutrients he needed because I didn’t treat my body well enough or take care of myself like I should have. I was worried about how hard it was going to be and my life was such a mess back then. My relationship was such a mess. I didn’t feel like my partner would support me on that journey if I decided to do it. He had already made it clear he wasn’t going to be the support system I needed. I would’ve been doing it alone, and I had already done so much alone with him and his support. I didn’t want to embark on another hard journey on my own.
Of course, maybe things would’ve ended quicker if I had put one more pressure on our relationship and expected that support from him.
I would’ve tried harder to breast-feed my newborn son.
I would stand up to my partner…
My partner and I had very different views of how this day was going to go. I was very family-focused while he couldn’t have cared less about his. He wanted us to have the baby all to ourselves, without any family visiting. I wanted my family to be there to welcome this new, precious little life into our lives. He would take the baby away from family members who came to visit at the hospital, especially my mom. During my entire pregnancy, she was my major support system and my best friend. She filled in all the spaces that he left unfilled. She supported me in ways that he never even tried to. And on that day, he made her feel completely insignificant and I just laid there and let it happen.
If I could relive that day, I would’ve made her know how unbelievably important she was, on that day and every other day that she helped me through such an unbelievably hard time in my life. I would’ve stood up to him. I maybe would’ve even left him sooner, because it was only 3 months after our son was born when I finally realized that I deserved a better support system then what he was willing to offer.
If I could relive that day, there are a million and one little things I would do differently. I would change a few small things, maybe even one or two major things. But as a whole, I was unbelievably blessed with this amazing little man, and I couldn’t ask for much more than that.