Hi there, everyone!
Welcome to the first post in The Mom Blog WI’s April A to Z Blogging Challenge! I hope you’ll enjoy these posts and follow along for the month of April as I take another step in my blogging journey.
This first post is a little late, as it is April 2nd, but I was recently inspired and uninspired and inspired again by a few fellow bloggers. At the beginning of March, I decided I wanted to be part of the April A to Z Blogging Challenge. What is the April A to Z Blogging Challenge?
Oh, well I’m glad you asked.
The April A to Z Blogging Challenge is a challenge, for bloggers and writers obviously, to blog every single day, except for Sunday, in the month of April. Each day has a letter assigned to it and typically you’ll choose a topic that starts with the letter A, B, C, so on and so forth. You can find out a little bit more about the Challenge here! If you’re interested, you can still sign up until April 6th!
I’ve spent more time this year sick than not and was going to bow out, making excuses that I wasn’t prepared or didn’t have the time, etc., etc., blah, blah blah. But after seeing everyone’s posts so far yesterday and today, and a fellow Mom Blogger reaching out yesterday, wondering if I was still participating, I decided to kick myself into gear!
Why are you doing this crazy challenge, Tresa?
Oh, well I’m glad you asked that, too!
I’ve always wanted to do this challenge! I’ve been blogging or writing in some form or another for a few years now and every year I come up with a reason not to or something comes up and I end up giving up before I even start. I’ve wanted to do this challenge because it’s very similar to NaNoWriMo. For those of you who don’t know, NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month and it’s in November. The goal is to write a Novella, 50,000 words, in one month. I’m sorry, I don’t think you read that correctly; YES. Fifty. Thousand. Words. In one month. I think it’s hard for me to say 50,000 words in a month, let alone write them all down and make a story that makes sense!
But I actually did it one year. I wrote an entire book, in one month. And I’ve done it two other years, but didn’t make it all the way to the end. Even in the years that I didn’t succeed, I learned so much during that month. I learned so much about myself, about my writing, my style, about the English language and just writing in general. Writing every single day is not just a commitment or a frame of mind, it’s a sport! It’s an endurance sport and you are fighting so hard just to breathe at the end of it. I learned so much during that month and as a new blogger, I wanted to learn more about myself and my blogging and this year, I’m doing it! No excuses. You guys will hold me to that, right?
So I want this to be a series of reflection and growth, a space to experiment and play with blogging and ultimately become a better blogger and writer. And I want my theme to revolve around Parenting because that’s a very large and important part of my life.
My plan is to have each day revolve around the Letter of the Day, and have two or three words that each start with that letter, that also relate to parenting, and each word also shares a common theme with the rest of the words.
Anger, Argue & Affection
For my first post in this series, for the Letter A, I chose Anger, Argue and Affection.
I chose these words because these words were very powerful and they pack a lot of meaning, in general, but also to me, and they are all part of parenting at one point or another, even throughout every single day. I don’t hide the fact that I am not the perfect parent; I am impatient and I get angry; I yell and I argue with my son. We are both so strong headed and we both have this super powerful energy and he’s exactly like me. And I lose my temper, more often than I care to admit and I immediately regret it and apologize and try to fix it and make a positive, affectionate connection with him.
This happens every single day.
Most of you don’t know this about me, but my very first blogging journey was a logophile blog where I spent time exploring the definition of words and their true meaning and how those meanings had been lost over time. And those posts were always a great time of reflection, discovery, and exploration for me. So I wanted to incorporate some of that here in this because while becoming a mom and parenting has become a huge part of my life, it’s also changed me and who I am. Sometimes I just like to sit back and reflect and take a moment to ponder what’s happening and it’s very freeing!
So I chose the world anger, specifically because I associate the word angry with how things are with our toddler right now. Or at least I thought anger was the right word. Things are tense as we struggle with a speech delay, and it affects our entire day, every single day. But Angry is a very strong word, which I don’t typically use. I don’t usually use the word angry to describe how I’m feeling, especially when it comes to parenting or my son. I have to be really good and angry to actually feel like this situation deserves anger.
But I am; sometimes, I’m angry. I’m angry that I can’t communicate with my son, that he can’t effectively communicate with me! I get angry that we can’t have a simple conversation about if he would like milk or juice because he just can’t tell me. But when I actually thought about it and when I checked what it actually means to be angry, I was shocked, because anger actually means, “a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.”
And ugh, I just felt like an awful parent, immediately. I felt terrible for feeling that way, ya know?
Am I angry with my son? Sure, I get annoyed at least once a day with at least one thing he’s doing. But am I so annoyed and filled with displeasure that I am hostile? Is displeasure the way I would describe our interactions? So I looked up Hostile and very plainly, it’s unfriendly… Antagonistic. I instantly felt sick to my stomach. Was I being hostile? Unfriendly?! Am I acting as though I am my son’s adversary, instead of his teammate? I didn’t want to be hostile or angry toward my son; what parent does?
It’s so hard to describe anger. While I am angry at this situation, the last thing I want to do is take that anger out on my
And I felt myself saying; “We are only 3 years into this.”
We have all only being doing this for three years. We are all still learning. I am learning just as much as my son is. He is learning how to interact with the world around him and that’s ever-changing. I am still learning how to respond to my son when he reacts. We are still trying to find out way, and that’s okay. But going forward, I want to change the way I feel about our situation right now and change that from angry to a different emotion. Frustrated, maybe, is fine. But I need to stop letting anger get the best of me and misplacing my anger, because it isn’t his fault. I place the anger with myself, too. The blame. I think that it must be my fault at times that he has a speech delay, and I have to remind myself that it isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s just the way things are right now, and I need to make peace with that.
My son is so loving, and I love it when we get to be affectionate towards each other, because he is just the sweetest little man on the planet. He’s started giving me kisses; he will pull my face in so sweetly and he will put his lips to mine and give me three pecks and he will go, “Muah, Muah, Muahhhhh!” And I love those moments. Those are my favorite moments. Most of the time, I just want those moments, and I get upset because I just want to enjoy my time with him, and we can’t just enjoy our evenings because we are struggling so much right now with this language barrier. But when we do, those moments are just amazing. They make everything right. They make everything else worth it, a million times over. And it’s not just a phase, but it will pass, eventually. We will all get through this in time and we will make progress. And until then, we are just going to keep muscling through.
I hope you enjoyed this first installment in the April Blogging A to Z Challenge. Up next will be the letter B; Behavior, Boundaries, & Balance!
If you loved this post and enjoyed this reflection on parenthood, please take a moment to share it with your friends. If this made you think or feel anything, or if you’d like to share your own parenting experience, please comment below and feel free to share and engage with others!
As always, thank you for following along on the next step in my blogging journey. I wouldn’t be here or have made it this far without all of you. Keep on lovin’ those little ones like only you know how, and take a moment this week to reflect thoughtfully on your parenting.