I have been feeling very unmotivated lately. Uninspired, lacking creativity and spunk.
I’ve been questioning myself and my purpose a lot lately, the direction I’m going in and my mission. Every idea I’ve come up with, I’ve dismissed completely because I am overthinking everything. I’ve been experiencing some serious writer’s block, but I’ve also been avoiding every single thing I know to do to break through that writer’s block.
I know that if I have writer’s block, I should still write. I know that if I just start writing, something tangible will form. I know that if I keep avoiding it and succumbing to feeling uninspired and unmotivated, I will continue to be so.
An object in motion stays in motion. I am an object on a path of completely uninspired darkness and there hasn’t been a light at the end of that tunnel for weeks. And I know that if I continue down this path and I don’t make a change that I will continue this way. If I don’t make a change, then nothing will change and everything will remain the same.
You see, I was doing the April blogging A to Z Challenge. I blogged for about 3 days and wrote up ideas for the entire month, and I was rip-roaring and ready to go in February with all my ideas and positivity, and then I got sick.
I had a sinus infection that would not go away for a month, and then two months, and then another round of antibiotics and a steroid pack later, it finally went away. And then ten days after I finished that antibiotic, I was sick again.
You know how you get sick for a few days, and then you get better but you still just feel, “Blah?”
That’s been me for the last 3 weeks. I haven’t been sick, but I haven’t been feeling 100% either. And after I gave up writing for the blogging for the challenge, I just completely lost all motivation. And then this past Monday, I woke up actually sick and I have just been getting worse and worse ever since. I feel like I’ve been in a fog for almost this entire year so far and I just can’t break through.
On top of everything else, someone said something to me that made me completely second-guess myself… question my writing, my motive, my entire purpose and I just haven’t bounced back from it. I haven’t been able to break the cycle of thoughts in my head, the endless cycle of thoughts or doubt, or thoughts that what I write isn’t good enough or important enough. It’s caused me to completely rethink the things I write about and how they are perceived. I constantly worry about what people will think about what I write, what they will think of what I have to say, if they will stop reading because of what I write… The list goes on.
I’ve also been struggling with social media, with being consistent and getting engagement, with feeling like anyone actually sees what I have to say and I’ve stopped doing all the things I normally do when it comes to writing, blogging and promoting myself. I’ve let myself stop doing all of the things I love doing and it’s put me in a bad place mentally. I’ve let myself slip into this place where I’m afraid to do what I love, afraid to put myself out there and afraid of being judged, worried about what people will think of what I have to say about what’s going on. I’ve lost sight of my purpose for writing, for blogging, for sharing with all of you what’s going on and I just want to get back to a place where I can do that without worrying about what others will think. I wish I could go back to before something changed my entire outlook on writing.
There are so many things I’ve wanted to write about. I’ve wanted to write about my favorite Munchkin products, but I worry about everyone thinking that I’m just a sell-out or that I’m just trying to get them to buy something. I’ve wanted to share my journey with my son and his speech delay development, but I worry about that people will think that I am just exaggerating or that I’m trying to draw attention to myself.
And all of this mixed together with being sick, again, I am just left with nothing. I am just stumbling through the day, going through the motions until bedtime when I can have 5 minutes to myself and just sleep and not worry about anything. I’ve stopped making writing a priority, not just for the sake of writing, but for myself. And I just want to get back to doing this for myself, and not worrying about others. I need this to become my safe place again, where I can say and write about whatever I want, whatever is going on in my life. I want to be to able to enjoy sharing my story and my life with all of you again, instead of feeling the way I do.
So for now, I hope you’ll enjoy my journey as I try to find my way back to doing this for me and maybe… you’re struggling with this, as well. Maybe you will draw strength from this and be fearless with me. Because what the world really needs is more people to be fearless and do everything in spite of what everyone else thinks. What we really need is more people who keep going, no matter what stands in their way!
Thank you so much for reading and if you would give this a share, I would be very appreciative. As always, keep on lovin’ those little ones like only you know how, and this week, do something without worrying about what everyone else will think or say. Do it anyway.