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Wednesday, October 24, 2018

The Road To Motherhood: Finding My Son's Father

The Road To Motherhood
Finding My Son's Father...


    I was looking for a little inspiration this week for The Road To Motherhood. I often look for inspiration in my boyfriend, because he always has a different perspective than I do and it's very refreshing. Sometimes when I can't focus on any one thing to write about, he's like my anchor and helps me find what's important. So I looked at him thoughtfully and asked him, “What would you say no one told you about becoming a parent?”

    And you’ll laugh, because my boyfriend said, “Well I never had any time to prepare for becoming a parent, so no one told me anything.” And it's true, because he didn't get 9 months to mentally prepare for having a child. He didn't have time to get ready for the arrival of a newborn baby. He didn't go through the motions or experience any of the first 6 months, holding a terrifying small baby and figuring out how to be a dad. But he did decide to love me, and most importantly he decided to love my son. 

    So when I said I really wanted to know what he thought, he said; 
"No one told me how frustrating it would be. No one told me how much I would worry; about him, about him being happy, growing up to be a good, decent person, about if we are disciplining him? Are we doing it too much, or not enough? And no one told me how hard it would be to put aside my own wants and desires to ensure a stable financial future for him."
    And afterwards he says, "Why? Is this going to be in a blog post?" And I laughed, and I swear to you, I almost cried. Not just because of his overwhelming support of my passion for writing, but because what he said really meant something to me. It's not very often that I ask him for something truly raw and unhindered. We have had our moments where we are completely transparent and bare our souls, and those moments are beautiful and completely enlightening. But they are so rare. 


    Early on when we were dating, I thought perhaps we weren't very sure about each other; my son was very sick. We were at the emergency room. My son was experiencing an allergic reaction to a medication and he was... completely unrecognizable. I was a mess. My son was a mess. It was awful, and my boyfriend wasn't there; we were living long distance at this point, but he was still completely invested. Earlier this year, I came across photos on his phone, saved from way back then of my son when he was in the hospital, and I started to cry. He told me that he was scared to death and he hated being so far away. And of course he saved them, because he already cared so much. And shame on me, because I just didn't think back then that he was that invested. 

    I originally was going to talk about how frustrating it is to
be a parent, because every parent can relate to that. Oh my goodness, is it easy to relate to being frustrated by tiny humans. But I worry about everyone thinking that I'm an ungrateful parent, which I am far from. I am beyond grateful and totally blessed to have such an amazing son, and even more blessed to have a wonderful man in my life, who has chosen to love my son. And a big part of my road to motherhood was finding an amazing man to be a father to my son. 

    I don’t necessarily keep it a secret that my boyfriend isn’t my son’s biological father, but I don’t go around shouting it from the rooftops, either. And I really should, because he is truly amazing and I think the world and more of him. He stepped up to the ultimate challenge and became a parent to a child that wasn't even his. And I hate to say it that way, because I can't even think of a time now that he wasn't my son's father. He's seemingly filled in all of the gaps, all of the memories include him. And I have to stop myself sometimes and remind myself that he hasn't been there all along. But it's true; I can't even imagine him not being my son's father or my partner. 

    It’s true; my boyfriend isn’t my son’s biological father, but he is my son’s father in every sense of the word and more. He is such an amazing Dad, and it's been a beautiful, amazing journey to be apart of. Watching him become a father to my son has been very emotional and awe-inspiring. He stepped in and cared about my son from the beginning. We started dating when my son was 6 months old, and it took him awhile to find his footing, but we are almost 2 years in now, and my son loves him immensely, (sometimes more than me, I worry!) and you can see that he loves my son more than I ever thought possible.

    I won't spend a bunch of time telling you how we got to where we are today, but I will say that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes people just aren't meant to be together, no matter how hard you try. Sometimes things have to fall apart so that you can find who you are truly meant to be with, and I know we were all meant to become the beautiful, complete and whole, happy family we are today. I wouldn't have it any other way.


    My boyfriend really doesn't understand how amazing he really is for what he has done. I don't know if he understands just how much it means to me. I always thank him for all the little things he does; like helping get our son ready for bed, or getting dinner ready, or just helping get our son out the door for an adventure. I thank him for doing everything that he does for our family. And he always tells me that he hasn't done anything, or he hasn't done enough, or he wishes he could do more. But what he doesn't realize is that he's done everything I could ever ask for; what I couldn't even ask for. He has become everything I've ever needed, everything my son needed and more. And I could never thank him enough for that. 

    So this week I wanted to shout out to my amazing boyfriend, and wonderful partner in life, who has taken on so much and made it look so easy. Who makes it seem like it's such a tiny thing, and doesn't even realize how huge it is. I never thought on my walk to becoming a mother that I would come across someone so amazing, who would care so much about my son as if he were his own, and who would love him just as much as he loves me. 

    As always, I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of you following, reading and sharing on a regular basis. It means the world to me and I couldn't keep doing this without all of you! Keep on loving those little ones like only you know how, and hold your partner close tonight. Tell them how much you love them, how much you appreciate all the little things they do, because you just never know what tomorrow may hold.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8




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